But the thing I remember best about McDonalds are the McDonald’s characters I grew up with.  Grimace, the Fry Guys, the Hamburgler, Birdie, the McNugget buddies, and of course, the man in charge, Ronald McDonald.

And so I coooome to yoooou...with ooooopen aaaarms...

I remember Ronald best from the many commercials that featured him interacting with children, as well as his friends from McDonaldland.  There were some classic commercials, perhaps the most classic would be the commercial that would air in the winter, in which a Ronald McDonald comes to the aid of a small child who has trouble ice skating.  Ronald McDonald swoops in, scoops him up in his red and white striped arms, and not only teaches this child to skate, he almost teaches him to fly.  The joy on the child’s face is unmistakeable, and almost seemed magical to me when I was a child.

Unfortunately, a group of busybodies called Corporate Accountability International wants McDonald’s to retire Ronald McDonald as part of their advertising campaign. 

“For nearly 50 years McDonald’s and its iconic clown Ronald have hooked kids on unhealthy food, spurring a deadly epidemic,” they say.  How ridiculous.  Yes, we have an obesity problem in this country, but it isn’t an epidemic.  For one, ‘epidemic’ is a medical term used for the outbreak of a disease.  What is the pathogen exactly in the obesity ‘epidemic’?  Trans-fats?  Also, the obesity problem in this country is not all Ronald’s fault.  Ronald isn’t driving these kids to the restaurant and shoving the food in their mouth.

Should kids be eating McDonald’s food every day?  Of course not.  But kids aren’t eating there because of the commercials.  They are eating there because parents are taking them there, and because the food is cheap and tasty.

McDonald’s has responded and said that Ronald McDonald is a “beloved brand ambassador” for the fast-food chain. “He is the heart and soul of Ronald McDonald House Charities, which lends a helping hand to families in their time of need, particularly when families need to be near their critically-ill children in hospitals. In fact, 4 million children are helped every year around the world through the Ronald McDonald House Charities.  Ronald also helps deliver messages to families on many important subjects such as safety, literacy, and the importance of physical activity and making balanced food choices.”

The CAI should stop clowning around and focus their efforts on stopping the obesity “epidemic” the only way that is going to work:  stressing the importance of personal accountability.

Sure, we would get little catalogs and sales papers from local and chain stores (the fliers from the local store ‘Magic Mart’ were particularly pathetic), but around November, Sears and JC Penney pulled out all the stops with the delivery of two huge catalogs that seemed to cover the entire inventory of their stores.  These things were huge!  If you dropped one on your foot, prepare to be laid up for a week!  I don’t know which catalog I enjoyed more, but I recall in my later years being more fond of the Sears catalog, because of its title ‘wish book’.  This wasn’t a catalog…it was a WISH book.  A modern day magic lamp that could bring you your heart’s desire, so long as you could convince Santa (aka, your parents) to buy what you found in the pages within.  Though to be fair, the Christian in me gets angry, because upon closer study, the book used to be called ‘The Christmas Book’, then ‘The Wish Book for the Christmas Season’, then ‘The Wish Book for the Holiday Season’, then finally, ‘the Wish Book’.  Come on Sears, it’s Christmas!  Embrace it!

These catalogs were absolutely essential when it came to the important yearly task of creating a Christmas list.  My brother and I would take one of the catalogs and spend HOURS pouring over the toy pages in search of our dream gifts for Christmas.  I learned early on that the ‘good stuff’ (i.e., the toys) were located at either end  end of the catalogs.  I would furiously skip the first half of the catalog, filled with boring clothes and housewares, and arrive at the wonderful toy section.  We would glance at the baby and little kid toys, not so much because we wanted any of them, but more a mix of nostalgia and regret that we didn’t have the new cool toddler toys pictured.  Next we’d quickly skip the boring Barbie and little girl section, and get to the best part of the catalog: the ACTION FIGURES.  He-Man and the Masters of the Universe were my #1 seed for years when it came to asking what I wanted for Christmas.  I recall especially enjoying it when the catalog would take the time to put up a large display of action figures, usually around a playset.  This was a very effective advertisement for me, because I instantly wanted everything shown in the picture, and I would update my Christmas list accordingly.

As the weeks went by, I would explore other sections of the catalog out of a mixture of boredom and curiosity.  I remember the electronics section catching my eye, especially the keyboard section.  I always wanted a keyboard, but alas, they were always cost prohibitive because I was also asking for a slew of action figures, and action figures were always going to win that battle.  The ‘tools’ section was an annual bore.  I did enjoy looking at the Christmas trees in the book.  Sometimes I would browse the furniture and bedroom sets and imagine how my home/bedroom could be improved by the addition of some new bedspreads and curtains.  Eventually boredom would take hold, and my brother and I would draw funny captions on the people in the clothing and housewares section.  Yes, this was juvenile and unnecessary, but it was also hilarious, and something that I think I would even enjoy doing today.

UNFORTUNATELY, this year will be my last year to take advantage of this opportunity.  You see, Sears left off putting out their huge catalog in 1993 (after a run of 106 years), due largely to economic necessity.  Now I have learned that JC Penney has announced that they are discontinuing their ‘big book’ catalog.  Reasons for its demise range from the increasing costs of paper and mailing and environmental concerns about wasting paper to the availability of entire collections online versus a few outfits on a catalog page.  I can understand the online argument, but the environmental concerns fall completely flat to me, as this is an obvious cop-out.  In its heyday, the 36-year-old Big Book ranged from 900 to 1,500 pages and surpassed $1 billion in sales in 1979.  Think about that!  A 1500 page catalog!  The possibilities are endless!

“Big book catalogs have become less relevant as customers have embraced shopping online, where they have ready access to our entire assortment at any time on jcp.com,” Mike Boylson, executive vice president and chief marketing officer, said in a release.  Well, Mike, that might be true, but there is something to say for tradition, isn’t there?  What about those little kids who can’t navigate your labyrinthian website, or simply choose not to?  Not everybody has a high speed internet connection , you know.  And besides, I have taken a look at the online version of the Sears Wish Book, and it is decidedly lacking when compared to the original paper version.  For one, it features terrible flash animations, and even worse acting of little kids in front of an obvious green screen.  Second, it is 46 pages long, including the front and back cover.  46 pages?  Really?  I’m less than impressed.  And not every page includes product.  A sorry excuse for a catalog if you ask me, or even if you don’t.  So if you want to experience the joy of flipping through an obnoxiously huge book stuffed cheek to jowl with product, pick up your JC Penney catalog today, before they are gone…FOREVER!

So I got very nostalgic when I heard that Paramount and Nickelodeon were making a Smurfs CGI film scheduled to come out in 2010.  I was skeptical, because I was concerned about some remakes of other Saturday morning cartoons.  Garfield and The Chipmunks were both pretty much destroyed by the Hollywood ‘hit’ machine, and the last thing I wanted was for the Smurfs to be next on the list.

My fears were allayed somewhat when I saw some of the pre-liminary mock-ups of the CGI effects showing the Smurf Village.  (I’d really prefer it be traditional 2-D animation, but I know that isn’t going to happen.)

Not bad at all!

I think I would be happy with the result based on this preview image.  However, based on a rumor posted on Boing Boing blog, my hopes for a good Smurfs film, even a decent Smurfs film, is going up in smoke.

Apparently, someone is working on a live action Smurfs film.  Live action.  Not animated.  Not CGI.  Live action.  That is, with live actors.  This is terrible news for fans of The Smurfs, because I see no way that this will not be a complete and total disaster.  No matter who is cast for these roles, the actors aren’t going to measure up to their animated counterparts.  That is the problem with live-action versions of cartoons.  See The Flintstones for an example  The only exception to this rule would be Scooby Doo, and even then the film-makers had the common sense to make Scooby Doo CGI.

It gets worse.  There is no sugar-coating this news.  Casting rumors?  John Lithgow as Papa Smurf, and Wallace Shawn as Gargamel.  Absolutely garbage choices.  I won’t be seeing this movie.  I won’t be renting this movie.  I pity anyone who ends up watching it.  I took the liberty of putting together some mock-ups of what I think this film will end up looking like.

I can't imagine the real thing looking much better...

Inconceivable, indeed...

I have no words.  If these rumors are true, this film is going to smurfing smurf.

"Keep eating McDonald's, and you'll be THIS wide!"

Every year I tell myself that I am not going to play the McDonald’s Monopoly promotion.  And every year, I end up playing it anyway.  It starts off innocently.  I swing by McDonald’s and I tell myself, “You were going to eat here anyway.  Go ahead and get a few Monopoly pieces while you are here.”  I know I’m not going to win.  I would have better odds of winning the state lottery, but I just can’t resist.  Soon, I am telling myself, “Get a large fries.  Two more pieces!”  Before long I’m scanning trash cans to see if the game pieces are still attached to the cups inside.  Needless to say, these endeavors are both disgusting and fruitless.

The main thing that gets me angry is the online portion of the contest.  It works in the same way as the Monopoly board game, in which you are rewarded if you are capable of gathering a Monopoly (all of the properties of a certain color).  However, the online game is rigged such that you can never win.  Now, perhaps this is not correct, but I just don’t have any other explanation for it.

Here is my board from the online game.  You’ll notice that I am one property away from a Monopoly on every property color, except for the light blue properties.  Just from random chance, I should be able to get at least one Monopoly considering that I have entered 56 codes.  Yes, 56 is a lot of Monopoly pieces.  I’m not proud of that.  However, that means I have rolled the dice 56 times, not counting doubles.  It usually takes around 6 or 7 or rolls to get around the board, so my poor little dog token has circled the board almost 10 times in a fruitless quest to get a monopoly.  And, interestingly enough, the coveted properties that would give me the monopoly are the same properties that I don’t have in my actual game pieces.  It’s rigged, I tell you, rigged!

And yet, I can’t stop playing.  Thankfully, the contest is almost over, so I can go on my McDiet until they bring back this contest next year.

Here we go again...

I mentioned in a previous blog post that Dimension Films has picked up the rights to remake Short Circuit, the very average 80’s comedy about a robot with a central processing unit of gold.  I guess they think lightning will strike twice (get it?  no?  read the plot summaries below).  I didn’t think this was a good idea at the time, and I still don’t, but now I have another reason to dread this film.

Two reasons, actually.

Reason the first: Steve “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” Carr has been attached to direct the film.  To be fair, I haven’t seen Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but I have the uncanny ability to tell how good a movie is going to be based on the trailer.  And I saw the trailer to Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  That is not a good movie.  I’m sure it’s OK.  But it isn’t good.  If that wasn’t enough (and it is), this is also the director behind such schlock as Daddy Day Care, Are We Done Yet?, and Dr. Dolittle 2.  Be afraid…be very afraid.

Reason the second: they are goofing with the plot.  Assuming you aren’t familiar with the plot to the original movie (shame on you!), here it is from IMDB.com: “Number 5, one of a group of experimental military robots, undergoes a sudden transformation after being struck by lightning. He develops self-awareness, consciousness, and a fear of the reprogramming that awaits him back at the factory. With the help of a young woman, Number 5 tries to evade capture and convince his creator that he has truly become alive.”

Now, here is the summary of the plot for the remake: “Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning. He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family.” This does not sound promising.  While the original movie was no prize, this has the potential to be considerably worse.  I don’t need a Harry and the Henderson’s with a robot standing in for the sasquatch.  I don’t need an E.T. with a robot standing in for the alien.   And let’s face it: nothing runis a movie faster than a terrible child actor.

Based on these reasons, I don’t think I’ll be seeing this film in the theater.  Unless Fisher Stevens reprises his character ‘Abu’ from the original two films.  His character has become a running joke between myself and some friends, so it would be worth going to the theater on opening day just to yell out random things at the scream in Abu’s accent.  “We will be letting roll the good times, I assure you!”

Faceman, B.A., Murdock, and Hannibal. Sort of.

Growing up in the 80’s , I watched a lot of television.  Oddly enough, one of the shows that I didn’t watch with regularity was the A-Team.   A-Team first aired on Tuesdays at 8:00 on NBC in 1983-1984, but I didn’t watch it with regularity.  Apparently, I was more interested in the combination of Just Our Luck / Happy Days on ABC (once again, my love for goofy shows with magic costs me…why I’m not watching Wizards of Waverly Place right now, I don’t know).  In ‘84-’85 the competition was less fierce, but the allure of Foul-Ups, Bleeps & Blunders on ABC was too great.  In ‘85-’86, the A-Team didn’t have a chance compared with Who’s the Boss (“ANGELERR!”) and Growing Pains. In ‘86-’87, A-Team was moved to Friday, but the dynamic duo of Webster and Mr. Belvedere proved to be too enticing.  Interestingly, I was always watching ABC when I could have been watching NBC.  Boy, ABC sure has gotten worse…

Well, Hollywood is continuing it’s dearth of original ideas, and the A-Team being remade as a film.  Above (thanks Shoppingblog.com) is the first photo from the film showing the new stars.  The photo shows Bradley Cooper (of The Hangover fame) as Lt. Tempelton “Faceman” Peck, American mixed martial artist Quinton Jackson as B.A. Baracus, Sharlto Copley (District 9) as Mad Murdock and Liam Neeson as Gen. John “Hannibal” Smith.

I can’t say I’ m too excited about this.  The casting is just OK, in my opinion.  These Hollywood remakes have been largely disappointing (Dukes of Hazzard, anyone?), so I don’t think this is going to be a great film.  I’m sure it will perform averagely in the box office, but it will be a typical one-and-done summer popcorn action flick.  If you go in with low expectations, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

I’ll probably rent it, but I don’t see myself paying full price to see this film on the big screen.  Sorry, Hollywood…you’re going to have to try harder than this.  Where does the ridiculous remake cycle end?  How far away are we from Mork and Mindy: The Movie?  Is Hollywood this creatively bankrupt?  Sadly, it just might be.

Why can't I get this card, the 1, and the 14 every hand?

I enjoy the game, because even though it is a very simple game, it is hard to master, and it is different every time.  It is fast-paced, allowing you to play many games in one sitting.  And, when you win, or have a great hand, it is a great feeling.

But the game is also extremely frustrating.  Sadly, there is a lot of luck involved with Rook, so if you don’t get a good hand, or none of your team gets a good hand, you just can’t win — it’s over before it starts.  Also, while it can be funny when people keep forgetting what the trump color is, it can also get a little annoying, especially if you are behind.

Oh, Rook…why do you have to be so fun and so frustrating?

Knife: If the shape inside the seed is that of a knife, it is believed to mean the winter will be cutting cold — so cold the wind feels like its cutting right through you like a knife.

Spoon: When the shape inside the seed looks like a spoon it is said to mean it will be a heavy winter. The spoon represents lots of shoveling.

Fork: The appearance of a fork shape within the seed is believed to mean that winter will be easy with only a light dusty of snow.

So I was out with family today, and we visited Tom Sparks cemetery in Rockridge, near the head of Bradshaw Mountain.  It was a beautiful, peaceful cemetery.  A large persimmon tree, full of ripe persimmons, dominated one corner of the cemetery.  Curious about the folklore, my father cut one of the seeds open.  The verdict?

It's a spoon!

It’s a spoon!  Thus, it is going to be a winter with heavy snow.  At least, according to the persimmon seed.  We’ll see!

Spooktacular Pizza

Kraft singles on a pizza? That is scary, but I don’t think it is the kind of scary they were going for. I’ll stick with candy corn, thanks.