Sure, we would get little catalogs and sales papers from local and chain stores (the fliers from the local store ‘Magic Mart’ were particularly pathetic), but around November, Sears and JC Penney pulled out all the stops with the delivery of two huge catalogs that seemed to cover the entire inventory of their stores.  These things were huge!  If you dropped one on your foot, prepare to be laid up for a week!  I don’t know which catalog I enjoyed more, but I recall in my later years being more fond of the Sears catalog, because of its title ‘wish book’.  This wasn’t a catalog…it was a WISH book.  A modern day magic lamp that could bring you your heart’s desire, so long as you could convince Santa (aka, your parents) to buy what you found in the pages within.  Though to be fair, the Christian in me gets angry, because upon closer study, the book used to be called ‘The Christmas Book’, then ‘The Wish Book for the Christmas Season’, then ‘The Wish Book for the Holiday Season’, then finally, ‘the Wish Book’.  Come on Sears, it’s Christmas!  Embrace it!

These catalogs were absolutely essential when it came to the important yearly task of creating a Christmas list.  My brother and I would take one of the catalogs and spend HOURS pouring over the toy pages in search of our dream gifts for Christmas.  I learned early on that the ‘good stuff’ (i.e., the toys) were located at either end  end of the catalogs.  I would furiously skip the first half of the catalog, filled with boring clothes and housewares, and arrive at the wonderful toy section.  We would glance at the baby and little kid toys, not so much because we wanted any of them, but more a mix of nostalgia and regret that we didn’t have the new cool toddler toys pictured.  Next we’d quickly skip the boring Barbie and little girl section, and get to the best part of the catalog: the ACTION FIGURES.  He-Man and the Masters of the Universe were my #1 seed for years when it came to asking what I wanted for Christmas.  I recall especially enjoying it when the catalog would take the time to put up a large display of action figures, usually around a playset.  This was a very effective advertisement for me, because I instantly wanted everything shown in the picture, and I would update my Christmas list accordingly.

As the weeks went by, I would explore other sections of the catalog out of a mixture of boredom and curiosity.  I remember the electronics section catching my eye, especially the keyboard section.  I always wanted a keyboard, but alas, they were always cost prohibitive because I was also asking for a slew of action figures, and action figures were always going to win that battle.  The ‘tools’ section was an annual bore.  I did enjoy looking at the Christmas trees in the book.  Sometimes I would browse the furniture and bedroom sets and imagine how my home/bedroom could be improved by the addition of some new bedspreads and curtains.  Eventually boredom would take hold, and my brother and I would draw funny captions on the people in the clothing and housewares section.  Yes, this was juvenile and unnecessary, but it was also hilarious, and something that I think I would even enjoy doing today.

UNFORTUNATELY, this year will be my last year to take advantage of this opportunity.  You see, Sears left off putting out their huge catalog in 1993 (after a run of 106 years), due largely to economic necessity.  Now I have learned that JC Penney has announced that they are discontinuing their ‘big book’ catalog.  Reasons for its demise range from the increasing costs of paper and mailing and environmental concerns about wasting paper to the availability of entire collections online versus a few outfits on a catalog page.  I can understand the online argument, but the environmental concerns fall completely flat to me, as this is an obvious cop-out.  In its heyday, the 36-year-old Big Book ranged from 900 to 1,500 pages and surpassed $1 billion in sales in 1979.  Think about that!  A 1500 page catalog!  The possibilities are endless!

“Big book catalogs have become less relevant as customers have embraced shopping online, where they have ready access to our entire assortment at any time on jcp.com,” Mike Boylson, executive vice president and chief marketing officer, said in a release.  Well, Mike, that might be true, but there is something to say for tradition, isn’t there?  What about those little kids who can’t navigate your labyrinthian website, or simply choose not to?  Not everybody has a high speed internet connection , you know.  And besides, I have taken a look at the online version of the Sears Wish Book, and it is decidedly lacking when compared to the original paper version.  For one, it features terrible flash animations, and even worse acting of little kids in front of an obvious green screen.  Second, it is 46 pages long, including the front and back cover.  46 pages?  Really?  I’m less than impressed.  And not every page includes product.  A sorry excuse for a catalog if you ask me, or even if you don’t.  So if you want to experience the joy of flipping through an obnoxiously huge book stuffed cheek to jowl with product, pick up your JC Penney catalog today, before they are gone…FOREVER!

So I got very nostalgic when I heard that Paramount and Nickelodeon were making a Smurfs CGI film scheduled to come out in 2010.  I was skeptical, because I was concerned about some remakes of other Saturday morning cartoons.  Garfield and The Chipmunks were both pretty much destroyed by the Hollywood ‘hit’ machine, and the last thing I wanted was for the Smurfs to be next on the list.

My fears were allayed somewhat when I saw some of the pre-liminary mock-ups of the CGI effects showing the Smurf Village.  (I’d really prefer it be traditional 2-D animation, but I know that isn’t going to happen.)

Not bad at all!

I think I would be happy with the result based on this preview image.  However, based on a rumor posted on Boing Boing blog, my hopes for a good Smurfs film, even a decent Smurfs film, is going up in smoke.

Apparently, someone is working on a live action Smurfs film.  Live action.  Not animated.  Not CGI.  Live action.  That is, with live actors.  This is terrible news for fans of The Smurfs, because I see no way that this will not be a complete and total disaster.  No matter who is cast for these roles, the actors aren’t going to measure up to their animated counterparts.  That is the problem with live-action versions of cartoons.  See The Flintstones for an example  The only exception to this rule would be Scooby Doo, and even then the film-makers had the common sense to make Scooby Doo CGI.

It gets worse.  There is no sugar-coating this news.  Casting rumors?  John Lithgow as Papa Smurf, and Wallace Shawn as Gargamel.  Absolutely garbage choices.  I won’t be seeing this movie.  I won’t be renting this movie.  I pity anyone who ends up watching it.  I took the liberty of putting together some mock-ups of what I think this film will end up looking like.

I can't imagine the real thing looking much better...

Inconceivable, indeed...

I have no words.  If these rumors are true, this film is going to smurfing smurf.

Faceman, B.A., Murdock, and Hannibal. Sort of.

Growing up in the 80’s , I watched a lot of television.  Oddly enough, one of the shows that I didn’t watch with regularity was the A-Team.   A-Team first aired on Tuesdays at 8:00 on NBC in 1983-1984, but I didn’t watch it with regularity.  Apparently, I was more interested in the combination of Just Our Luck / Happy Days on ABC (once again, my love for goofy shows with magic costs me…why I’m not watching Wizards of Waverly Place right now, I don’t know).  In ‘84-’85 the competition was less fierce, but the allure of Foul-Ups, Bleeps & Blunders on ABC was too great.  In ‘85-’86, the A-Team didn’t have a chance compared with Who’s the Boss (“ANGELERR!”) and Growing Pains. In ‘86-’87, A-Team was moved to Friday, but the dynamic duo of Webster and Mr. Belvedere proved to be too enticing.  Interestingly, I was always watching ABC when I could have been watching NBC.  Boy, ABC sure has gotten worse…

Well, Hollywood is continuing it’s dearth of original ideas, and the A-Team being remade as a film.  Above (thanks Shoppingblog.com) is the first photo from the film showing the new stars.  The photo shows Bradley Cooper (of The Hangover fame) as Lt. Tempelton “Faceman” Peck, American mixed martial artist Quinton Jackson as B.A. Baracus, Sharlto Copley (District 9) as Mad Murdock and Liam Neeson as Gen. John “Hannibal” Smith.

I can’t say I’ m too excited about this.  The casting is just OK, in my opinion.  These Hollywood remakes have been largely disappointing (Dukes of Hazzard, anyone?), so I don’t think this is going to be a great film.  I’m sure it will perform averagely in the box office, but it will be a typical one-and-done summer popcorn action flick.  If you go in with low expectations, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

I’ll probably rent it, but I don’t see myself paying full price to see this film on the big screen.  Sorry, Hollywood…you’re going to have to try harder than this.  Where does the ridiculous remake cycle end?  How far away are we from Mork and Mindy: The Movie?  Is Hollywood this creatively bankrupt?  Sadly, it just might be.

She's a JOY to have around.

It happened October 1st at 11:30 a.m.  After 48 years, Mrs. Butterworth revealed her first name.

Drum roll please.

The syrup lady’s first name is Joy.

Pinnacle Foods Group, which makes Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup, held a contest that ended in July, asking folks to guess her given name. Two winners were announed: Shayla Doty, 15, Logansport, Ind. and Cynthia Harmon, 44, Champaign, Ill.  They each win $500 and a case of syrup.

In a bit of public relations hoo ha – Pinnacle set up a conference call with an actress playing Mrs. Butterworth. She sounded more like 88 than 48.  According to Mrs. B, her father wanted to call her Yvonne, her mother wanted Opal. The doctor suggested Jocelyn because she was a such a good tempered baby. Jocelyn apparently means “the merry one.”  So Joy was a combination of all three names. And it turned out, she said, to be a perfect fit.

“I’m a joy to people at the breakfast table,” said Mrs. B.

This still doesn’t answer my question.  Who is Mr. Butterworth?

 It was announced recently that in the age-old struggle between Betty and Veronica for the heart of Archie Andrews, there is finally a winner.  On the cover of Archie #600, there is a picture of Archie proposing to Veronica, and Veronica enthusiastically saying “YES!”

Such a monumental moment is going to bring out strong feelings on both sides of the Betty / Veronica debate.  Who does Archie love more?  Who would be better for Archie in the long run?  Which of these girls loves Archie the most?  Is it sweet-hearted Betty Cooper, or sassy heiress Veronica Lodge?

Personally, I always thought that Archie would choose Betty Cooper, the girl next door instead of the more high maintenance Veronica Lodge.  Veronica is arguably the better catch, since she is wealthy and glamorous, and is often described as more beautiful than Betty.  However, Veronica is the model of the unattainable woman, and this is a large part of her allure.  On the other hand, Betty is ultimately attainable by Archie, but instead of recognizing this, he takes it for granted, referring to her as his ‘sister’.  For his part, Archie has been perfectly content to let the girls fight for his affections as they have for over sixty years.  I can’t say that I blame him.

There was a time when a newcomer named Cheryl Blossom was a third competitor for Archie’s affections, but she was more a flash in the pan, and was never considered a serious contender.  Betty and Veronica also have side love interests (Adam Chisolm, Jason Blossom, etc.) but they too have never been portrayed as legitimate threats to the famous Archie-Betty-Veronica love triangle.

Interestingly enough (to me, anyway), in Archie’s earliest story (his first appearance, to use comic book lingo), it is Betty Cooper (his next door neighbor that has just moved in) that he is trying to impress by standing up on his bicycle while it rolls down the street.  He gets into all sorts of problems trying to win Betty’s heart, and it is soon established that they are in a semi-committed relationship with Betty (as committed as high school relations go, which admittedly isn’t usually very committed).

Also, Veronica Lodge wasn’t in the original story that introduced Archie and his friends, Jughead and Betty.  Her earliest appearances actually give her two different origin stories.  In Pep Comics #26, she is a rich heiress who has recently moved to Riverdale, and Archie asks her out on a date.  Archie (being Archie) is hard up for cash to impress the rich girl, so he takes a job at a restaurant…the same restaurant he takes Veronica to, and ham-fisted hilarity ensues.  However, when Archie #1 came out in 1942, she is introduced as a New York debutante who receives a mushy letter from Archie asking her to be his date at the prom.  Amused, she agrees, putting Archie in a bind since he was going steady with Betty.  He gets Jughead to be Veronica’s escort, who gives her poison ivy for a corsage (?), causing Veronica’s date to end poorly, but humorously (at least by 40’s standards).

Personally, I think that Reggie Mantle would be a better match for Veronica than Archie.  Reggie (like Veronica) is wealthy, and they share the same snooty, sassy personality.  However, opposites attract, and Veronica has eyes only for Archie, causing Reggie to make Archie’s life miserable at every opportunity.  Who knows how Reggie will react now that Veronica is engaged to Archie.

Jughead, being a pure misogynist, is not vying for the affections of Betty, Veronica, or any other girl, choosing instead a close relationship with his one love — food.  However, with Archie possibly tying the know with Veronica, maybe Jughead will end up with Betty after all.  He does like Betty more than Veronica, although this is because Betty is a great cook, and Jughead is crazy for food.

Apropos of nothing, did you ever notice how much Jughead looks like Alan Cumming?  Is it just me?

Honestly, I think I know what is going on here.  Knowing the folks at Archie Comics, this will be some kind of stunt.  The cover clearly shows that this ‘proposal’ is taking place in, of all places, a jewelry store.  It is likely that Archie is proposing just as a goof, and Betty and Jughead get the wrong idea when they pass by and see it thinking that it is an actual proposal, and (in true Archie fashion) hilarity ensues (yuk-yuk-yuk).

It was DELICIOUS!  A refreshing mix of lime and rum flavor, sweet and sour at the same time.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it became my new favorite ice cream flavor.  Sometimes I would return to one of my previous choices, but Daiquiri Ice was my new #1 seed.  I chose it almost every time I went there.

Then one day…it wasn’t there.  I asked the worker, and they said they didn’t have that flavor right now.  I naively assumed that the flavor was just out of stock for a short time.  But every time I went back, it still wasn’t there.  Eventually, I gave up.

Fast-forward about 15 years later.  I began to hear rumors that Baskin-Robbins were going to bring back Daiquiri Ice!  I was so excited and couldn’t wait to try it.  Then I saw the pictures of the ice cream…I knew immediately it was not the right flavor.  It was much too green.  It looked too much like sherbet.  I read some reviews online, and my fears were confirmed. This was not my Daiquiri Ice.

Earlier this month, I once again heard that Daiquiri Ice was coming back.  I did my best not to get my hopes up, weary of having my heart broken before.  My hope was buoyed by the name that they called it: Original Daiquiri Ice.  That sounded promising.  Then I went to the website and saw this:

My first love!  Back after all this time!  I quickly rushed to the website to find the location of the nearest Baskin-Robbins.  I made plans to go there as soon as possible (which turned out to be today!)  I had a yummy dinner at Outback Steakhouse, turning down their attempts to tempt me with a Chocolate Thunder from Down Under.  I already had a date planned, and I had no intention of leaving her jilted at the altar.

I walked into Baskin-Robbins, feeling like a kid again.  I didn’t see the flavor at first (which caused a little nervousness), but then I saw it, waiting for me.  I asked for two scoops on a sugar cone, and tasted Daiquiri Ice for the first time this millenia.  It was just as I remember it. But as they say on Reading Rainbow, “Don’t take my word for it!” Treat yourself to some Daiquiri Ice as soon as you can!

But the kid in me always thinks about coloring Easter eggs. You might have dyed Easter eggs when you were younger, but I grew up in West Virginia, and we didnt dye Easter eggs – we colored them.  It was an annual tradition in my house that I eventually grew out of.  But I’ll always remember the times I spent coloring eggs with my family.

We were a Paas family.  Paas meant quality.  Dudley’s brand seemed too ridiculous and cheap.  Maybe I just couldn’t get past Dudley’s goofy face.  When I was younger, the Dudley mascot looked really goofy.  The interwebs have failed me, or I could provide you with a picture.  Just imagine a really dopey-looking rabbit.  Got that picture in your head?  Good.  Apparently even the Dudley’s folks agreed with me, since Dudley now looks a lot more like his Paas competition counterpart.

Besides, the standard Paas kit had many egg decorating options. Of course, there were the traditional color tablets which had to be dissolved in a mixture of hot water and vinegar. That always kind of stunk, and made the process a little less enjoyable. (Vinegar always makes me think of the school lunch days when they would serve spinach with these little vinegar shakers. GROSS. But, I digress). Also, I was never fully satisfied with the deepness of the hues given by these tablets, so many times I would add some of my mom’s food coloring to the batch in order to get a more vibrant shade of red, blue, or whatever. The Paas kit came with this weird kind of hexagonal dipping wand that you had to bend in order to use it to dip eggs. I never liked using this device, and instead always used the far superior tool of a teaspoon.

You could also put stickers on your eggs (mostly secular Easter stuff, but there were a few fancy crosses if you were feeling particularly religious). I was never a big sticker fan, since they looked a little cheap and tore easily. Also, putting a flat sticker on a rounded surface had mixed results.  Properly placed, the stickers worked.  But one wrinkle and the egg was no longer what it could have been.  Besides, the traditional dyed egg with no frills was always my favorite.

Another option was writing on your egg with a clear wax crayon before dipping it into the dye. The point of this was to write a message that would not be dyed like the rest of the egg. Popular choices included your name, or a happy face. While this idea was appealing in theory, it had two major flaws. The first (and most obvious) was that you had to use a clear crayon to write a message on a white egg. Thus, it was almost impossible to see what you were writing, or what you had already written. The result was an illegible scrawl that I often ended up regretting. Sometimes it worked, but more often than not it didn’t. The second flaw was that to use the crayon you had to apply a great deal of pressure to the fragile eggshell. This could sometimes lead to cracking the egg, and (as far as I was concerned) ruining it, as the inevitable dent and spider web design that resulted was a constant reminder of my clumsy failure.

A fourth option was a kind of “shrink-wrap” that you could wrap around your egg and dip it into boiling water. The wrap would then shrink down and stick to the sides of the egg. This worked well, but you had to choose whether you wanted to dye the egg or shrink-wrap it. If you dyed the egg first, then shrink-wrapped it, the most of the dye would come off and you were left with a pathetic-looking, pale shrink-wrapped egg. If you shrink-wrapped the egg and then dyed it, you would end up dying the shrink-wrap along with the egg, ruining the shrink-wrap images.

One year we were bored with Paas, so instead we experimented with getting a generic “tie-dyed” kit to color our eggs. This was an absolute debacle. The process involved putting each egg into this box with colored dye on the inside of the box (different colors on each wall). The next step in the process was to shake the box in order to spread the color onto the eggs. Needless to say, this did not work well. We ended up cracking many of the eggs (due to violent shaking), and after awhile the cardboard box started to tear due to the excessive moisture, and we ended up with a broken egg and a stained kitchen floor. Overall, it was just a bad idea with a flawed execution.

When I was younger, after a few days of enjoying the eggs, I would eat the eggs. I thought it was neat that the egg white was now dyed along with the outer shell. Of course, I would never eat the yolk, since they always looked like some kind of disgusting crumbly Superball. No thank you.

Sometimes my brother and I would take turns hiding eggs around our yard. The problem was that we could never remember where we hid them all, and eventually we would lose half of them and get bored of playing the game. Once, our dog eventually found one of the eggs that we had forgotten. Sadly, by the time she found the egg, it had gone rotten and stunk to high heaven. It must have smelled great to her, though, since she had rolled around in it and thus smelled like some dog/skunk hybrid. She got a bath that day.

Though I have long outgrown this activity, I have an eight-year-old nephew who is just getting started, so I am sure I will have a few more years of coloring Easter eggs ahead of me.